My Fake Honeymoon

So what is up with me being in the most beautiful scenery ever and paying only $50 (US)? This includes transportation from Ha Noi (about a 3 hour trip), a night on a boat, a night in a hotel, all meals included, trekking, kayaking, swimming, and transportation back. Yes, folks, it is truly ridiculous.

Mikey and I left early Sunday morning and got on a boat in Halong Bay. Our meals were delicious. Our room on the boat was boat-y and comfortable. We stopped at one of the sets of caves, the third of which looked strangely like something out of the Goonies. We stopped and went swimming in very questionable water. All the while, we were surrounded by over 2,000 islands and islets that are made of limestone and the most ridiculous sunset I've seen in a long time. To sleep at night? We went into the middle of a ring of these islands and dropped anchor. The sunset was incredible and the stars at night were plentiful.

The next day we came to Cat Ba Island, one of the most developed of Halong Bay. Despite the thunderstorm raging (not really RAGING, per se, but I can't think of a better word), Mikey and I and a family of Spanish tourists went on a trek through the mountain. This was on a very narrow path with tons of brush, wet brush, while wearing shorts and sandals. The views were great and we ate guavas right off the tree and disturbed a huge spider spinning its web.

After the two-hour trek, we went back to our hotel for lunch then onto a bus to a boat to a floating island to go kayaking. We followed our guide and passed floating villages (pet dogs included...or maybe they're being fattened for a feast) and ladies in small rowboats selling snacks of oreos, pringles, and other assorted junk food. We stopped in a little cove and went swimming, where the water was much less polluted and very very shallow. Then we made our way back to the floating village, hopped on the boat again, and stopped at Monkey Island. Even though there are only 30 monkeys, and there are other islands with larger populations, this one holds the name. We did see two monkeys fighting in a tree. The little Spanish boys kept yelling "Monkey! Monkeyyyyy!!!" in that cute little Spanish accent. Then the older one told me I was a monkey. Ha. Ha.

Then we came back and I took the first shower I've had since Saturday. It is now Monday. Lots of polluted-water swimming and sweating in the meantime. Mikey and I are staying another night to hang out on the beach and maybe do the waterpark. Our hotel will cost us a hefty $12 for the two of us. To be fair, they have three Vietnamese channels.

• A note about the title of this blog: people refuse to believe that Mikey and I are just friends, so we have taken to telling them that yes, we're on our honeymoon. Always a bridesmaid but never a bride, I guess.